A Lunch by Any Other Name Would Not Taste As Sweet
So, like, kids are kind of a pain. I mean, I love them and all, and, most of the time, I even like them. They’re funny and cute and sweet. But when it comes to basic human functions, they are so particular, sometimes I’m tempted to just let them fend for themselves.
Take getting dressed. I am strictly, adamantly, forbidden to help the baby in any manner whatsoever, lest I unleash Kicker, the Beast of Flailing Feet. That child can, and must, “doobit self!” Yet, when his head ends up in his sleeve, he cries for help. This is perfectly acceptable. What’s a bit eccentric is that as he is crying for help, he is also scolding you (sternly!) for doing it. Kay.
Take staying dressed. “Nudie Cutie” is a phrase I have mixed feelings about, although I know it’s really not the phrase’s fault. When our oldest son was tiny, it was so cute to see him streak around the house for about one minute before joyfully getting into his bath. Our baby enjoys the state of nudity 24 hours a day, and a bath is irrelevant. I commonly find him running around shouting, “Nudie Cutie! Nudie Cutie!,” cackling with glee, devoid of one shred of clothing. This includes diapers. He is not potty trained. Are you tired yet?
Now, take eating. My kids eat chia seeds, so I am not complaining. Merely observing. But if the meal isn’t marketed just right, if it doesn’t have a few key words (cheese, chocolate, waffles), they will boycott. Their hunger strikes are firm. Unless you can pony up some cheese, you are out of luck, man. And then they will pick the most miniscule speck of cheese off the broccoli, leaving the vegetable untouched. This has forced me to be very cunning in how their, say, white bean and garlic dip mixed with salad greens is packaged.
When we were out hiking the other day, I served this dip to them with pita chips to act like spoons. Don’t you know, they dipped their chips into the beans and ate the tiniest smudge of beans off the tip, then ate all their chips without any double dipping. Not a lot of protein going on there.
Today, I went with a cute presentation (a pocket!) and an alliterative name (a Pita Pocket)!
A star was born. These knuckleheads ate more protein-rich, fiber-filled organic cannellini beans than they ever had in their life. And lettuce!
Here’s how I did it, for little hands:
Start with a whole wheat pita.
Cut off just the ends so the pockets are small.
Insert whatever dastardly filling you dare into the pockets. Stuff the veggies at the bottom and they won’t even see them. Top with cheese, chocolate, or waffles.
Then, you’re left with the middle.
Open it up.
Cut it open, then cut it in half.
Lay the strips flat and spread some more stuff on them.
Roll ’em up.
Cut it like sushi.
Voila! Pita Rolls! Also a cute name.
Note: I ran out of bean dip but they wanted more, so I used the leftover eggs and potatoes from breakfast that somehow ended up back in the fridge to be “saved for Daddy.” They’re so thoughtful.
You should know that one of them didn’t eat the eggs, even in the rolls. But one of them did. 50% is pretty great. I’ll take it.
I’ll take some Pita Rolls, too.